Earlier this week, a psychology student asked me whether and how I notice in my practice that heartbreak affects a person's appetite or self-care.

A good question, and a valid one too.

I see it often.

People who can no longer eat. Or who snack constantly, searching for something to ease the pain. Some don't shower for days, others clean their house to feel some sense of control, continue to set the table for the other person, or retreat into silence...

The body reacts to loss as it does to danger: the heart rate shoots up or becomes irregular, sugar cravings may increase, the stomach tightens, sleep becomes disrupted, chaos reigns in the mind, everything is out of balance.

This applies in the event of a divorce, but equally so after the death of a partner, a child, or a friend.

or of a dog that provided companionship for years.

What always strikes me is how faithfully our bodies reflect our grief.

It refuses to pretend that everything is continuing as usual.

My vision?

In times of heartbreak, self-care is not a luxury, but a language of mourning.

Be sure to communicate how you feel and what you need.

Eating, resting, breathing, being mindful... not to "recover," but to acknowledge: I am still alive, even with this loss...

And that really takes time.