Postponing maintenance leads to lumps
People who once loved eachother can become each other’s worst enemy. I read this sentence in a report by a young family-law lawyer. So much pain and sorrow, so much bitterness, it is incredibly hard for the people involved, the lawyer included….
While it started so differently. Two people love each other, they start with a dream. And they are going to work on realizing that dream: careers, a house, possibly children.... Everything must and can be done and it seems to be working. Only....what is no longer paid attention to in that joint happiness package, is the relationship. The foundation of the dream, the reason for the dream and the indispensable bridge over differences seems to have disappeared.
Preservation of monuments
The relationship is based on the couple's cooperation and all joint investments in time, money and energy, in the children, in the mortgage, the furnishing of the house. The well-known busy, busy, busy. Before they know it, it's high time for a major renovation. And then they wake up…. Because it's not the house that they have to work on, it is the relationship that is in need of maintenance.
Don't wait too long
Experience has taught us that postponing maintenance leads to problems. And anyone who postpones maintenance on the most important anchor point in life runs a high risk of becoming a party to a messy divorce. So don't wait too long if you feel like your relationship needs attention. If you're on time, there doesn't have to be a bitter fight. Then you share with your partner the disappointment about the foundation of your shared dream that is showing cracks. If you don’t wait too long, there is still enough love and willingness to start to rebuild what needs to be changed. If there are children, especially when they are in their puberty, there is a lot of pressure on the relationship. Discuss the condition of your relationship together in time so that you continue to respect each other and -despite the cracks- can remain grateful for what once was. And even if you can't work it out and decide to break up, you can support each other out of that respect. Because believe me, a contested divorce is an inhumane burden.
